spark joy.

One of my favorite supportive communities for depression, 

The Blurt Foundation, 

recently brought forth the concept of applying the KonMari method 

to more than just de-cluttering our homes. 

A very simplistic explanation of this method

is to ask ourselves if a specific object truly “sparks joy” for us,

promoting a mindful way for us to deeply consider 

what tangible things we would like surrounding us 

as we go about our lives. 

But what if we were to apply this question

to the way we spend our time, 

the people we spend time with, 

the places we visit, 

the activities we engage in… 

to everything that creates the life we live?

Does the way we spend our days spark joy for us? 

Does it support the growth and progress we aspire to attain?

Does it keep us on the path of the life we want to live?

Asking ourselves these questions 

prompts us to consider our aspirations, dreams and happiness

with everything we do. 

What aspects of your life would you choose to say goodbye to

after asking yourself these questions? 

What aspects of your life would you like to cultivate even more? 

Personally, 

I feel that each time I reflect in this way, 

it further connects me to my truest and most authentic self…

and I am incredibly grateful 

for the opportunity and awareness to do so.

guilt vs. shame

We feel guilt when our action or decision 

has contradicted our own core values. 

We feel shame when our action or decision

has contradicted others’ values that are not our own. 

This differentiation 

can help us to truly consider 

what we value most

versus what others want us to value.

An example of guilt:

If I hurt a loved one 

by responding reactively to a conflict

and making untrue or insulting statements,

I feel guilt 

because I have contradicted my own core values

of caring for those I love

and treating them with kindness.

An example of shame:

If I receive judgment from others

for being without a career path, 

I feel shame

because I have contradicted one of their values

involving the need to have a career 

in order to feel fulfilled or worthy or “whole.”

This differentiation 

also helps me to realize

that the feeling of guilt cannot be eliminated. 

Even those of us 

who wholeheartedly align with our values through our actions 

will, at times, have to choose only one to uphold

between two of importance

(such as kindness versus honesty).

And in these times, 

we will naturally feel guilt 

toward the value left behind.

However, 

we do have the incredible power 

to combat shame.

The example of shame I used above

is something I have encountered repeatedly.

When that circumstance took place,

it used to eat away at me,

and I wished that I could disappear into thin air.

But over time, 

something changed. 

I began to recognize, define and strengthen

my own core values.

Personally, 

I do not believe in the need for a career

to feel fulfilled or worthy or whole.

To feel these things, 

I want to engage in activities 

that spark immense passion.

I want to be exceedingly excited 

about each day ahead. 

I want to give compassion and empathy to others,

in hopes to positively impact their lives,

even if in the tiniest of ways.

I want to creatively make my mark in the world. 

If this turns out to be a career, so be it. 

If this turns out to be motherhood, so be it. 

If this turns out to be an undefined collection of day-to-day projects

imperfectly sewn together with colorful thread,

so be it. 

The point of significance

is that I am defining 

what makes me whole. 

The more certain we are of ourselves;

the more we focus on who we want to be in this world

instead of who others think we should be,

the more shame magically dissipates

into the endless, invisible atmosphere…

leaving us unreachable to its grip.

power.

In the past, 

my instinctive response to being negatively labeled

was to prove the person wrong. 

If I am called “selfish,”

I must give even more of myself 

to disprove that label.

But now, 

I already know that I am not selfish.

I do not question that within myself,

and in turn, 

I do not need to convince anyone else

to change their labeling of me

in order for me to feel worthy. 

This doesn’t remove the pain 

of being mislabeled in the first place, 

but it does remove their power

over my feelings of self-worth. 

When I am sure of myself, 

and I don’t need to prove that to anyone, 

I hold all my own power. 

source.

Do not let our source of motivation 

stem from seeking to impress others.

Let the source of our motivation be love;

Love for what we choose to do, 

Love for others, 

Love for ourselves.

labels.

It took me nearly a lifetime to realize 

that I am not selfish

or dramatic

or stubborn

or controlling .

I am just often greatly misunderstood

by my family. 

Sometimes I am labeled

in the effort to detract

from what they might not want to see

within themselves. 

It is painful being so misunderstood,

but it is also so very relieving 

to finally be certain 

of my true qualities. 

I am selfless and kind and giving. 

I am sensitive and empathic and feel deeply.

I am open-minded and curious.

& I struggle with ocd…

which leads to extreme discomfort

with lack of control.

Along with this knowledge, 

I remind myself that it is not their fault

they cannot see me for who I am.

It doesn’t take away the pain,

or the isolation,

but I do not blame or resent them

for misunderstanding. 

within.

“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.”

currents.

To My Depression:

I’m swimming peacefully and gently.

I’m laughing

and smiling

and holding the warmth from the sun.

I want to sustain it so badly.

I want to stay in this bright place.

But your clouds creep in.

Your gray casts a blurry fog across the sky.

Your tide picks up.

Your current gets stronger.

You rage.

You overtake me.

The more I move to stay afloat,

the more you pull me away.

My energy is useless.

Fighting you is useless.

I let go.

I let your current rule me.

I let my body

flow with your dark waves.

I’m not strong enough

to get anywhere

but where you want me to be.

And that’s okay.

I don’t have to fight today.

I don’t have to swim.

I can just be.

Being is enough.

I can embrace you.

I can embrace exactly who I am in this moment.

I don’t need to exhaust myself

by trying to fight.

Surviving is enough today.

I can be proud of surviving.

And I know you’ll go away

and the sun’s brightness

will overcome your dark clouds.

And your current will lighten its grip

and my strength will take me back

to the security of the sand.

And I’ll lay peacefully.

I’ll feel the brightness

and the warmth.

I’ll embrace every source of fulfillment

and fill my days

and fill my heart.

And every time you come back to take me,

and I fade into your darkness,

my heart will remember

the brighter days

that will return

and reward me

as long as I survive.

conflicting values.

There are many possible circumstances

where making a decision

creates a conflict between my core values.

In the past, I was attempting to achieve

the perfect outcome.

However,

a perfect outcome is not possible

and does not exist

when two core values

conflict with one another. 

For example:

Honesty versus Kindness.

Both of these values are incredibly important to me,

but sometimes,

both cannot be fulfilled.

Sometimes it is okay to sacrifice honesty

if it is the only way to uphold kindness.

Another example:

Pleasing Myself versus Pleasing Others.

Again, both of these values are incredibly important to me

(caring for others and caring for myself).

Sometimes, it is only possible to choose one option. 

The best way to approach this

is to ask myself,

Which value is most important to me in this circumstance? 

Which choice will provide me with the most amount of comfort and the least amount of suffering?

Ultimately, these questions are to protect my well-being.

There will be a sense of discomfort 

in the value I do not honor, 

but it will be worth the comfort provided 

from honoring the value I do deem most important.